One may have never experienced fear in early childhood because one’s father did not work and one’s mother struggled through life with twice times working.

May have never experienced what the sentence „we have no money now“ feels like to a child, seeing the devastating look inside one’s mother’s eye because one knows that it hurts her to not be able to care for her children properly.

One may have never experienced standing besides their mother in front of the cashier, both seeing red numbers on the display, meaning that in this month one will not have as much food as one had in the last months.  One does not now that in this moment one cannot be happy about owning new clothes when this means that one has to worry about finances again.  Even though she said that this were none of the things a child has to worry about.  

One does not know how it feels like looking into the fridge, knowing that if one eats all of the leftovers or sweets or dairy, that there won’t be any until the next paycheck and the next paycheck seems so far away.  Though hunger was never a thing one would experience but worry was always part of her eyes. 

One may have never experienced visiting friends whose parents obviously had more money and therefore could afford better tasting things. Branded stuff, rare to find in one’s own house. So that one tries to eat slower only to enjoy it because you’ll probably for a long time won’t eat it again. 

One probably never has experienced what it means to a child when all of a sudden one’s mother does not stand strong on her feet anymore, does not carry one anymore, doesn’t have the will to talk, laugh or live euphorically anymore.  So that one is laying by her side begging her to hug and love one again- not understanding that these emotions are the biggest burden for her to show to you.  One probably never experienced how existential/financial crisis can bump a mother into depression. 

So this is it(…) may you people never have experienced it, one should never have to!

But it’s in the little glimpses, so cherish your mother for she does everything that she can do. 

11th May 2018